V/H/S Review

Hello again, ghosts and ghouls!

I feel like it's been a hot second since I've really had time to sit down and watch a horror movie these days. HOWEVER, I figured I'd review and oldie but goodie that I've watched a few times now. If you have any films in particular you'd like to see me review, shoot me an email! I'd love suggestions! You can do that at taylorterriblehorror@gmail.com. We can even just talk horror and be best friends. Cool? Cool.

V/H/S was given a limited release here in the US, but that didn’t stop it from taking the horror scene by storm. It’s an anthology of short horror films, so basically, you’re getting a handful of horror films all in one two-hour period. What horror fan is opposed to that?

Essentially, the film opens up with a group of jerks who want to steal a VHS from a house, in which they find that there is more than just one tape. They begin to check out the footage, only to realize that there’s some really fucked up shit on there that they probably didn’t expect.

I’m not exactly sympathetic if you haven’t seen V/H/S, because you’re kind of three years behind. It’s been talked about endlessly for being a truly original film, and each of the short films within this one weird, twisted story has its own strengths. 

Before i give too much away, I’m going to limit myself to telling you guys about just one of the films. It’s called “Second Honeymoon”; while most of you, I’m sure, will disagree that this is the scariest one of all of them, I was really freaked out. It’s so uncomfortable…anyway, let me tell you about it!

A couple goes on their second honeymoon (hence the name) where they encounter a stranger asking for a ride for the next day. That night, someone takes Sam's (the husband) camcorder that he’s been filming pieces of the honeymoon on, and films the couple sleeping. The camera shoots the intruder sticking Sam’s toothbrush in the toilet and stealing $100 from his wallet before whipping out A KNIFE and holding it up to Stephanie. (At this point I was hyperventilating a little).

Alright, I’ll stop there so I don’t give away any of the good stuff. There are also paranormal shorts that went into this film, so if you’re not looking for a thriller about someone breaking into someone’s personal space, you’ve got some sci-fi, some zombie action, the works.

It truly is a film for everyone, and is worth watching at least once. Never again will you want to hear someone say “I like you”.

I'll be using the rating system that we use over on Nightmarish Conjurings (another horror site I write for)!

Story/Concept: 2

Direction/Style: 1 (I only give this a 1 because I’m not the biggest fan of found-footage…if you enjoy it, this is 500% a 2)

Scares: 1

Atmosphere: 2

Rewatchability: 1.5

TOTAL: 7.5

It truly is a film for everyone, and is worth watching at least once. Never again will you want to hear someone say “I like you”.

With that being said…I like you all…a lot.

Until next time, stay spooky!

Taylor Terrible <3

Hellraiser Retrospective is Up!

Hello ghosts and ghouls, this is going to be a very quick post...
As all of you know, I'm absolutely obsessed with Hellraiser. It's been my favorite horror franchise for a number of years now, and honestly the obsession has never really died down even slightly.

To commemorate my love of the greatest horror franchise, my newest video is a retrospective of all 9 films!
Click the link below to check it out:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BIptMohva4

Let me know which of the Hellraiser films is your favorite, and which franchise you'd like to see me do this with next!

All Hallows' Eve Review

When you think of Halloween, what's the first thing that comes to mind? For me, it's trick-or-treating in costume while the wind rustles the leaves on the trees as you walk down the street, your costume shoes stomping on the leaves that have already fallen and you hear that satisfying crunch...-sigh-

Naturally, I love all films that revolve around October 31st. Trick 'r Treat is classic, and is in my top 5 favorite horror films of all time. Halloween doesn't get much more iconic. So when I heard about All Hallows' Eve (2013), I said "oh, I'm probably going to love this one!"

                                            photo from screamhorrormag.com


All Hallows' Eve tells the story of a babysitter and the two bratty kids she's watching after their Halloween festivities. They've been trick-or-treating and the night is rapidly coming to a close. The children are sitting around watching movies when Sarah (the babysitter) ushers them to bed. But the bratty brother finds a VHS tape in his trick-or-treat bag (uh...what?) and insists on playing it. After thoroughly disturbing themselves by watching a psychotic clown named Art become the ringleader to the "terror" on the tape, Sarah is left in the house alone while the children sleep. Is someone there with her?

Okay, you guys. I'm not going to lie, I went into this film with insanely high expectations because you all know how much I love, love, LOVE killer clowns. Pennywise is my man, Twisty is my BFF...any evil clown I can find, I will watch and devour with my eyeballs. I'm not scared of clowns, I just adore them. Don't ask me why.

Anyway, I'd heard about this one before, and I saw Art and thought "alright, this is right up my alley, let's go for it!" and then never got around to watching it. Cut to last night, and I was jumping for joy when I found out my friend had it on DVD. Popped it in, and I let the excitement commence...

Except it never came. This actually may be one of the worst films I've ever watched. There's no plot, and what the film lacks in plot, it only slightly makes up for it in gore. Sort of.

You get to see a baby cut out of a woman, and there are "creepy" aliens with noodle arms, but the whole process of getting to the points that are supposed to scare you are unnecessary, kind of annoying, drawn out, and really boring. The VHS itself is cool, it's almost like an anthology but it doesn't make any sense and it never comes together at the end, but nonetheless, it's the easiest part of the film to watch, besides Art.

Art is AWESOME. He's weird, disturbing, and he's very present. He's never lurking in the shadows, he's right in your face (except for the "second film" where he's kind of just a painting).

If you're looking for a good, classic Halloween film, skip over this one and move on to something more sophisticated like Trick 'r Treat. It's essentially the same, but done better.

This one gets a 3.5/10. Womp womp.

Do you guys have any great film suggestions for me? Let me know! Email me at taylorterriblehorror@gmail.com!

Alright guys, tomorrow is my birthday so I'm taking a trip to Sleepy Hollow. I'll let you know how it goes!!

Until next time, stay spooky <3
Taylor Terrible

Re-Animator (1985) Review

I need to preface this review by saying: the fact that none of you have suggested this film to me is actually slightly offensive. I'm actually bitter about the fact that no one has ever said "you should probably watch Re-Animator" to me. I'm so disappointed in you all. -sigh-

Now that my sentiments are out in the open...I went into this film totally blind. I've heard people talk about it, but as some of you know, I'm typically the last to jump on the bandwagon when it comes to "classic" horror films, for some reason. Most of the films that I fall in love with are the ones I'm the last to know about. I don't know why it happens that way, but it does...and I think I'm okay with it.

Anyway, all I knew about this film was that it's based on a story by H.P. Lovecraft (insert swoon here), and that Jeffery Combs is a psychotic medical student that brings dead things back to life. For those of you that have never seen the film, there's the synopsis for you! To be honest, I would typically give a little more, but there are so many things about this film that I don't want to give away by giving you a full play-by-play of how the film goes. You really just need to watch it for yourself.

I'm truly a gore-hound. I am in love with watching people get torn apart. I think it's awesome when someone's head explodes. Re-Animator does not skimp on the pure beauty that is insane amounts of gore.

It also does not skimp on attractive men. Herbert West, will you marry me?

This is also one of the strangest films I think I've ever seen. Once you get past the fact that the film is paying homage to the horror classic Psycho by using the same music, and you get past the fact that it's a cheesy 80's horror, it's really strange, disturbing, and actually pretty gross. There are some scenes that made me cringe big-time (and you'll cringe through the whole film if you don't like needles), and there are copious amounts of laughable weirdness.

While the film is noticeably 80's (it's fun, campy, and the VFX are slightly derpy), the storyline is great and really doesn't leave much to be desired. As far as rewatchability goes for this film, I would watch it again tomorrow! It's AWESOME. So much awesome.

As for a number rating, I give this one an 7/10! I'd watch it again (see above), it fills my requirements for a good horror film (slightly cringeworthy, good story, fun characters and gross deaths), the only change I would make would be some of the actors. At times they were just totally not believable.

Have YOU seen Re-Animator? What did you think?

The Green Inferno: Review

I wanted to post this earlier, but I'm trying to keep my Tuesday posting schedule straight...but I was given the opportunity to see The Green Inferno on September 21st, and it was CRAZY, you guys.
Here's the trailer if you haven't already seen it:

I got the invite through Moviepilot.com, so I had the chance to go in as press, which was awesome in itself. We were checked in and sent up to the top floor of the Regal theater on Broadway in Union Square- the final stop on the Green Inferno fan appreciation tour.

Upon arrival, we were greeted with wine, soda, beers...the whole ordeal was kind of surreal. I felt like a modern-day-creepy-female-Gatsby. I was handed a glass of white wine and I was excited to mingle around with other horror lovers...and then Eli Roth walked out.

Roth and Lorenza Izzo (the star of the film) sat at a table to sign posters for fans and screeners. Naturally, I made a fool out of myself by standing there and staring, and making a joke about how the Red Band trailer made me need to stop eating my bacon, egg and cheese on a bagel. But really, if your film can stop me from eating, it's intense. I eat a lot.

We were slowly filtered into the theater, and once everyone was seated, we were introduced to Eli and Lorenza again, along with the producer of the film, Nicolás López.
The film was deliciously disgusting, incredibly gory, and at one point I felt the wine roiling in my stomach, trying to make its way back out of my throat. BUT I persevered and held it down, and from the particular scene (eye-gauging, tongue-extracting and bone-cutting) on, I was okay. Mostly.
I did have to tell myself to breathe quite a few times because I caught myself holding my breath. I also started craving chicken tenders at one point, so I don't know what kind of person that makes me.

It's incredibly graphic, though. Roth told us at the beginning of the screening that he was trying to make the most violent film ever created. I think he succeeded...and surpassed anything that will be made for a long, long time. 
Also, fun fact, the tribe that he filmed with had no idea what electricity was, so the crew brought a television and a generator and showed the tribe Cannibal Holocaust and they though it was some kind of hilarious joke, and that's when they agreed to portray greedy, crazy cannibal people. 

Anyway, I don't want to give too much away, but the film is insane and beautiful and awesome. I highly, highly suggest it for anyone looking to be grossed out, thrilled, horrified, or all of the above.

Giving this film a rating out of 10, I give it an 8.5!! Make sure you check it out; it'll be in theaters on September 25th!

Burnt Scrolls: A Review

Over the past year, I've had the pleasure of coming in contact with some really incredible people in horror. I won a giveaway and met Zach Bohannon who is now one of my good friends, and through him, I was put in touch with Shannon of Nightmarish Conjurings. Afterwards, I followed someone on Instagram, and it turns out he's a really, really amazing writer...Mr. Jeremy Megargee.
Now, I've reviewed Jeremy's work here before. You may remember me reviewing his novel Dirt Lullabies and totally fangirling over it. His descriptive language is impeccable. His storytelling is beautiful. So when I got a message asking if I'd like a copy of his newest creation, Burnt Scrolls, I almost fell out of my chair, but "calmly" responded "oh yeah sure cool thanks!"
I just recently moved out of my house (a little over a week, when you all read this) so I ran home to pick up a few things (a Harley Quinn costume, a tea infuser...the essentials), and I had a package! I shredded the thing apart when I saw who it was from. I held the book up to the ceiling Lion King-style, and smiled. My book of short stories and poetry was here!! And it had the sweetest note inside!
I took Burnt Scrolls to work with me. I hoped it would be slow. It was. So I sat and I read, and as usual, I blew through another one of Megargee's books in 48 hours.

There's something about the way he writes; it's like a fine wine. You marvel in its beauty with each sip you take, and eventually you're so consumed by its delectable flavor that you drink and drink and drink until you're incoherently drunk. That's the best description I can give of what happens when I read his work- I become drunk on literature, and I can't consume enough.
This book is a little different than anything he's written before- it's much more personal. "Cathartic", as he puts it. It's a book of short stories and poems, and for those of you that have read his other works, you're in for a treat! The short stories (3 of the 4) are "prequels" and stories of characters from his other novels. The poems are a journey; some are horrific and creepy and others are personal and sweet.

Let's talk about a few of my favorites:
All of the short stories are totally consuming, but I'll talk about my top 2 as to not give away much more than I need to.
Welcome to Rust Valley takes place ten years after the events in Dirt Lullabies. As always, it's beautifully written, and the descriptions of the cave that Benjamin travels into...it practically had my mouth watering, it was so stunning. The characters, as usual, are fun to connect with and although the story is short, you find yourself rooting for them.
Black Rose Petals tells the story of my girl Thorny Rose from Dirt Lullabies. Before I go any further talking about this story, let me tell you a little something about myself: I have the tendency to fall in love with certain characters, specifically the underdog of most stories. Now, when I read Dirt Lullabies and I learned about Thorny Rose, I started doing my makeup the way she was described, I wanted to be her friend, I wanted her to come over and drink tea with me. SO when I saw that she got her own short story, I nearly fainted. Okay, maybe not literally, but I was way too excited. Her story is sad, believable, and tragic. She's every Halloween-lover's dream. I can't get enough of her. She's amazing and this story is amazing. Yes.

As far as the poetry goes, it's all very personal. You can tell that the topics are from a deep place within Jeremy's soul, so reading it is like sitting down across a table from him while he tells you about the deepest, darkest places of his mind. It's really an experience that I wasn't expecting, but I was deeply thrilled by the end of the book.
A specific poem in particular really touched me: The Stray. I wont' tell you what it's about, but what I will tell you is that I messaged Jeremy to let him know that I was sitting at work crying like a fool because of it.

All in all, this book is a solid read. Like I said, you can blow through it with the intensity of the stories- they reel you in and don't let go until you hit the poetry, which then takes you on such an intense roller coaster ride that you may end up crying. I don't know, maybe it's just me.
However, I highly suggest it! If any of you guys pick it up and read it, let me know! I'll link the page where you can buy it here: http://www.amazon.com/Burnt-Scrolls-Collection-Tales-Poems/dp/1515352250/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

You can follow Jeremy on Facebook and on instagram at @xbadmoonrising!

Until next time, ghosts and ghouls, stay spooky!
Taylor Terrible <3

Sinister 2 Review

Hello, ghosts and ghouls! See?! I told you I'd be posting my Sinister 2 review! There's a method to my madness.

I was very generously sent to see the film on Monday, and today is the day of the release, so I went about 4 days early. I was sent to a teeny tiny theater in the middle of Manhattan, where I sat amongst some really cool people in horror, one of which was a writer for Fangoria. If you're reading this, I didn't catch your name, but hello!

Now let me tell you a little about Sinister 2; it's very different from the first one. If you enjoyed the first one, and you would like me to be honest with you, the sequel is fun but you shouldn't go in with incredibly high expectations.

Bughuul is scary, as always. He's easily one of my favorite horror villains...we're talking like top 3. They show him a ton in this one (a little too much for my taste) and it ends up making him look a little bit silly, but the scares are very much welcomed amongst what's going on with the rest of the storyline.

Deputy So and So is back and he's blander than the last film...it kind of just feels like his heart isn't in it. Then we have the rest of the film from the perspective of the most annoying group of children to ever grace the big screen. Their dialogue and acting is mediocre which makes the film feel of the same caliber, because they literally never go away. They're everywhere. Constantly.

That brings me to my favorite part: the deaths in the film. They're great. If you loved the Super 8, gruesome films from the first movie, you're in luck because these do not skimp on the gross-out factor. They involve some of my biggest fears this time, too...alligators, and dentists. NOPE. They also include that great, horrifying music that almost forced me to turn off the first film.

I honestly wish there were more that I could say about the film. I have really mixed feelings because Sinister is a film that I consider a big part of what shapes me as a horror fan- it made me realize what truly makes me feel scared and uneasy. I expected this film to do the same and while I still absolutely adore Bughuul more than anything, this one felt like a cop-out. My feeling about why this film was made was: "well, the first one did well, so let's capitalize on it". Listen, guys, I'm all about you making money on your movie! Just...how come it wasn't up to the standards of the first?

I'm going to give this film a 4.5/10 because it could have been worse, but could have been better.
 I desperately wish that they would have left the perspective the same, and I understand why that didn't happen...but it really ruined it for me.

Let me know what you guys think when you go to see the film! I actually went to see it for a second time last night...don't laugh at me! Little Bughuul came with me and he loved it...understandably so.

Until next time, stay spooky <3

My Moviepilot!

Hello ghoulies,
For those of you that don't know, I don't only write here, I also write for moviepilot.com. If you want to go directly to my articles, you can find me at: Taylor Terrible.
Those articles include "more fun", less personal posts, more along the lines of quizzes and such. I would love if you checked those out as well!
For my blog, I like to stick to reviews and more personal things as this is a place that I created on my own. I also write reviews for NightmarishConjurings.com every other Friday, so sometimes my reviews are cross-posted.
I never thought that I would be able to say that my little horror family has grown so much, and I want to thank everyone that has been here for the Terrible Toy Chest since the beginning. Your support in my writing means more than you know, even if you've only read a few posts.
I love you all so much! Thank you for being here with me for this!
Love always,
Taylor Terrible

Grave Encounters (2011) Review

As someone who has been into the paranormal from a young age, I’m always interested in watching horror films that showcase paranormal activity (well). After some experiences that I consider to be potentially paranormal, I wanted to be able to prove or disprove the existence of a life apart from what we have here in the “mortal” realm.While I still have yet to be able to prove or disprove this theory, I’ve spent lots and lots of time brushing up on my share of mediocre ghost hunting, as well as watching all of the shows I can get my hands on that are about paranormal investigation (my guilty pleasure is watching marathons of Ghost Adventures, eating popcorn and giggling at Zak Bagans).So with that being said, when it comes to films about paranormal investigation, I tend to have my reservations. I worry that they won’t do the field the justice it deserves (it’s not easy!) but I try to keep myself current in terms of horror films, so I watch all of the cheesy ones, and I also try to watch all of the good ones.Therefore, today, I’ll be reviewing Grave Encounters. 

The synopsis of Grave Encounters from IMDB:“For their ghost hunting reality show, a production crew locks themselves inside an abandoned mental hospital that’s supposedly haunted- and it might prove to be all too true.”I wish there was more to it than this, so I’m going to give you the synopsis I think you all deserve:“For their hilariously realistic, slightly cheesy ghost hunting reality show, a production crew full of cocky jerks lock themselves inside an abandoned mental hospital that’s supposedly haunted- and shit gets real.”
Basically, this group of “paranormal investigators” (I put it in quotes because they don’t actually truly believe in the paranormal, as far as they let on in the film) decides to go to one of the most haunted places they can find, assuming it’s a hoax as they’ve found it normally is, and starts to find that maybe they’ve been wrong about the paranormal this whole time.The building moves around within itself, doors disappear, they find ghosts of the people that died in the hospital.
As far as how scary the film is, I never really felt terrified per say, however I did experience a few moments when I was really freaked out. I have to say, one of my biggest fears in the world is hospitals (abandoned or not). There’s something about the smell of functioning hospitals, the way the fluorescent lights make everyone look sick, the sounds of the beeping monitors…it all makes me so uncomfortable. So seeing this group in a sad, dilapidated, abandoned hospital made me feelexceptionally uncomfortable.
There really weren’t many jump scares, which I very much appreciated. Lately I’ve been on a real hate-streak of films that rely on jump scares for the “horror” of the film, and this one was more about the horror of the situation. I like that. That’s a very good thing.
I’ve also been very against found-footage-style films, and this one absolutely is. I don’t really know what it is about this one, to be honest, that makes it seem so much more real than all the others. I think they don’t play so much off of the fact that they’re filming through one entity and they make an effort to change shots every once in a while so you aren’t watching exclusively through one camera. I don’t know, all I can say is that this one looks better than all the others and I didn’t despise it.

But, all in all, if you’re interested in movies about ghosts, found-footage films, films about paranormal investigation…I really like this one! I didn’t expect much going in, and I was pleasantly surprised when it ended and I wasn’t miserable!
Let me know what you thought of Grave Encounters, creepies!

Until next time,

Taylor Terrible
PS: I just found out there’s a sequel! I’m going to have to look into that soon! 

We Are Still Here: Review

I recently watched the 2015 film We Are Still Here as per the recommendation of a handful of super excited people. I'd been hearing good things all week, so I told myself, "hey, I'll save this one for a rainy day and it'll be awesome!"

Cut to about two days later...there was a beautiful thunderstorm here in New York and I was so excited to snuggle up burrito-style and turn this flick on.
With the thunder and lightning in the background, I flipped this one on and got myself ready to be terrified.
The story is about a small town that a middle-aged couple moves to after the tragic death of their son. When things start to get a little weird in the house, the couple realizes that there may be someone their besides their beloved Bobby...so they call upon their "psychic" friend to check the house out with her boyfriend.

Things start to go downhill early on, giving you little bits of suspense here and there right off the bat. I feel like things are very stop-and-go; a lot of the suspense and jump scares happen very abruptly and they're kind of expected.
I have to say, the story itself is good. It's a pretty typical house-haunting-type film, but the story of the house and the history is fun.
The characters are really well-written, however the casting left a lot to be desired. I found the acting really cheesy to the point where I was having a hard time getting into the story.
The entities floating around the house getting crabby and nasty were pretty terrifying. I won't get too far into where they come from or what their deal is because it's very well-explained in the film, but what you should know is that two of them are kids, which is one of the things that freaks me out the most. Ick.

Overall, I liked the film. Maybe not enough to watch it again, but I do recommend it as a film that you check out at least once so you can join in on the conversation about it!
I give it a 6/10, a little better than halfway there but the acting really ruined it for me. The entities and the deaths are what got the rating up there for me...if you guys enjoy gore like I do, this one has PLENTY. I promise, it doesn't start off too gory, but once you get a little ways in...BAM. Body parts flying everywhere. Thumbs up on that for me.

Happy haunting, my spookies...let me know what you think of We Are Still Here!
Taylor Terrible <3

Unfriended Review

In honor of Unfriended coming out this weekend (one of the most talked about horror films in a LONG time), I was sent to go see it a little early! I got to see it a week ago today, so I wanted to give you guys a quick (very vague) review of the film. I don't want to give anything away other than my personal opinion, because this is a film that I truly believe all kinds of horror fans will appreciate. It has a message that I feel most films have been lacking.
If you haven't heard of Unfriended, here's a trailer (and let me just tell you, it does the film NO JUSTICE. DO NOT JUDGE THE FILM BY THE TRAILER.):

I know how it sounds, guys.  It sounds like you’re going to be watching someone’s Skype conversation for 2 hours.  Well, you do.  But in the midst of that, so much goes on that is really never touched upon in the trailers.  (To be honest, the trailer makes the film look awful).  But the film has heart, and a message that’s worth watching for anyone and everyone who has ever made fun of someone: the truth will always come back to hurt you. 

I really don’t want to give too much away, because I know how skeptical people are about this film, and I believe everyone should really see it for themselves.  What I can tell you, is that I’m the kind of horror fan that normally can’t stand the films that come out now because they use jump scares over true horror.  Sure, Unfriended has plenty of jump scares.  They’re something I don’t do well with, and I jump every time, and it’s really embarrassing…I guess that’s the point, huh?  But over that, the film has something I didn’t expect: a decent amount of humor.  The film doesn’t hesitate to make fun of itself, and it makes it so much more enjoyable to watch knowing that it wasn’t taken too seriously.  Most of the theater was giggling while watching Blaire type over text or Facebook… something I will give away, is you will definitely be saying “girl, you need lessons in how to send a Facebook message.” It’s awful to watch her try to compose one, and it makes it hilarious.

Is this film gory? Not really.  Is it violent? Absolutely.  Do things happen that you probably wouldn’t expect from a film about Skype and Facebook?  Oh, yes.  There are deaths you probably wouldn’t expect from this kind of film, one of which had me almost cover my eyes, and I don’t really get disturbed by much.  But the deaths are very real; things you probably haven’t seen before.  I would compare them to Final Destination: they’re real in the sense that the deaths come from real things.  It’s hard to explain, but in the same way someone could die in a tanning bed, someone can die straightening their hair…I’ll leave it there so I don’t give too much away.

I really implore you guys to go into this film with an open mind. I also implore you to not read any reviews (besides mine of course...) because I feel like a lot of people won't appreciate the message this film has to offer.

I would LOVE to hear all of your opinions of the film. Shoot me a comment and I'll be super excited to hear from you!

It Follows Review

Seeing It Follows came to me spontaneously...my plan was to go to work, and then go straight home and go to sleep. However, my friend texted me asking if I had any interest in seeing it, and considering it's received reviews such as "the scariest horror film in decades", I figured it would be in my best interest to go see it.

Basically, if you haven't seen it yet and you want to know the synopsis, I feel like this whole film is an innuendo about STDs...I could be totally off but that's the way it seems to me.
A girl sleeps with a guy she kind of just met, and contracts something he eludes to as "the following". Anyone who contracts it from someone essentially sees people walking at them. Yes, very odd-looking people, walking slowly at them. They stare, and for some reason, they're unnecessarily naked, because most of this film is overly sexualized.
So, the only way to "get rid of it", is to pass it on to someone else the same way you contracted it. By sleeping with someone.

Anyway, like I said before, the film is overly sexualized, like someone was trying to make a horror-porn. Most of the "followers", I guess I'll call them, are walking around with their shirts cut too low...or their robe is open...or they're not wearing a shirt at all. There's an ample showing of breasts in this film, if that's something you need in your horror. Personally, I'd prefer to be scared than have to be entertained by naked women. That also happens. Women are completely naked.
And it's not just limited to women- you have a naked man standing on a roof, as well. -sigh-

The acting was wonderful. I really enjoyed the cast; they seemed to fit their roles very well. That part was not a disappointment for me at all.

The story was terrifying in concept, but in execution, I think it lacked something. It wasn't extravagant and in-your-face the way some films are, but there were jump-scares in place of where real terror and suspense could have been. I don't know, maybe it's just me, and maybe I'm jaded by horror films by now. I sure hope not...

So for those of you looking to go see a different kind of horror film, this one is definitely worth checking out. I'd like to hear opinions on it, because I know my friend and I were both pretty disappointed, but many people are saying that they were totally terrified by it.

Let me know what you guys thought!!

Friday Post!

Hello my ghosts and ghouls. You're probably all reading this on Thursday, because I always post on Tuesday and Thursday. I have a review coming for you on Friday, but the film hasn't been released yet, so I was told to hold off until the 27th to release my opinion.
Therefore, I will let you all know that I'll be posting my review on Friday, the 27th at my usual time! Check back then!! But for now...here's the trailer:

A Good Marriage: A Review

This is a review of the film, not the short story by the ever-so-incredible Mr. Stephen King.

I went into watching this film with absolutely no idea as to what it was about, so I went in with a clean slate. Normally, I judge a film way before I watch it and that's how I decide whether or not it's worth watching (I typically check the first website that comes up when you type the name of the film, because, you know, that's the most reliable source of information as to what a film is about...kidding...) but this one, I went in completely clueless. I read the synopsis on Netflix, and jumped right in.

The story is about a wife who learns that her husband has been keeping a major secret from her throughout their 25 years of marriage, and she has to decide whether or not to stay with him, even though she knows what he's doing when he's on "business trips".

I'm personally a huge Stephen King fan; I dig into his books and I don't come out until I'm completely done. I'm sure A Good Marriage was no exception as a short story, because his writing is so complex and enthralling.

But the film. I honestly don't have words for how awkward the film was...it was completely anticlimactic. I was really disappointed about the lack of thrill;  I was pretty much counting the minutes until it was over.

The acting was mediocre. The story was great, and I give credit to the story that the script came from because the potential was absolutely there, but the only acting job worth noting was Darcy, played by Joan Allen. She was great, the rest of the cast lacked in enthusiasm and skill. To be honest, Kristen Connolly was probably the worst part of the film, and I adored her in Cabin in the Woods, but watching her in this film, she constantly looked like "I don't want to be here".

The chemistry between the characters was so awkward, and it ended so abruptly with no explanation or resolution.

If I could give this film a rating out of 5 stars, I would give it a 1.

Sorry, A Good Marriage, I think this might be my first negative review! Oops!

As Above So Below: Ugh.

I think the title says it all. This post is going to be more of a rant than a review. I can't believe how disappointed I was with this film- I was so excited to see it when it came out in 2014, but for some reason I never got around to it. Maybe it was the universe's way of saving me time.

I watched this one yesterday, which will be 3 days ago when you guys read this, and every time I think about it, I get more sad.  I ended up checking Instagram through most of the last half of the film because I was just so horrifically bored. 

Let's get one thing straight: the concept sounded awesome. A woman searching to fulfill her father's legacy by finding the Philosopher's Stone in the collapsing catacombs of Paris? Sounds pretty sweet. Especially when you find out it's "haunted". I mean, in theory, it's cool. Then you watch the actual film.

-pause- I should have listened to the 27% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Okay, so it grips you and doesn't let go from the first five minutes when you think the protagonist is going to die, but because she's the protagonist, you know that isn't going to happen. Is it thrilling? At some points, like maybe when the phone is ringing and you don't know why...or when the wall people are attacking, I guess.

But let's just talk about those rushed, awful deaths throughout the film. It's like they advertise that you hear these delicately crafted backstories throughout the movie, building up to the point where the characters finally face their fear and deal with what their demon is...but that never happens. Sorry, to those of you that enjoyed this one, you're crazy if you think that these backstories were well done. I never felt like I got to know any of the characters at all with the exception of the main woman, and I can't even remember her name.

Essentially, the only good part of the film was the first 30 minutes. I liked the initial establishment of the entity that was taunting the group, but from then on, I was so bored that I almost shut it off, but I paid $6 on demand to watch it so I figured I should watch it all the way through.

The end of the movie was what really did me in, because there wasn't one. Nothing is resolved, nothing is fixed, nothing is proven, and nothing is explained. You just watched this WHOLE MOVIE waiting to find out if their efforts are successful, and you have NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENS AFTER?!

You guys. I honestly don't understand how this ended up as awful as it did. It looked like it was done so well, and ultimately, I don't remember the last time I watched a movie this bad. I'm sorry if you liked this one, but I really don't have any good to say about this one.

Let me know what you thought, especially if you didn't like it so we can be on the same page!

I'm still working on that video of my HorrorBlock unboxing for you guys, it's been rough. Until next time, my creeps!

Horns (2013): A Review

Hey guys! I know I promised a HorrorBlock unboxing in my last post, and trust me, I tried. I recorded it at LEAST 8 times, and each time the computer froze (it even does it in the final cut I got, I couldn't do anything about it, and I'm still getting used to this whole video-making thing...I'm trying to do it all on my own!) so I kept the last cut, and if you're reading this, it means the video didn't process in time to post for you guys this Thursday. I'm going to keep working at it though, I promise!
I've tried to upload it so many times, and every time it just tells me an unexpected error occurred. -sigh- I pinky swear, that video will be up and running eventually. It's all filmed. I swear.

So, in the meantime, I saw an awesome film this week! See title.

I had heard a ton about this one just from seeing people post the picture above on Instagram. I didn't know it was on Netflix until a few days ago (I'm behind on the times, you all know this) but I had a few moments to myself so I sat down and watched this.

I have to say, I'm very impressed. First of all, visually, I thought the film was stunning. The scenery in the woods is beautiful, and it made me pine for a treehouse. Get it? Pine? Because they're in the woods?
...I digress.

Daniel Radcliffe's performance was outstanding. He's emotional, he's insane, he's so sane it hurts, and he's hilarious. Honestly, the whole film is a rollercoaster ride of emotions the entire time. I caught myself tearing up towards the end. What horror film makes you emotional? Unless it's disgust, of course, or your favorite hero dies.

Here's a brief summary without spoilers, so for those of you that haven't seen this one yet, you can keep reading:
Ig Perrish lives in a small town where he falls in love with his childhood sweetheart at church. Cut to the fact that the entire town is condemning him to hell, because Merrin (the love of his life) has been murdered, and everyone thinks he did it. He spends the next week or so attempting to prove his innocence, but not without growing a huge set of horns on his forehead.
It all makes sense when you watch the film, I promise.

Ig vows that the power of the horns will lead him to good, and ultimately to finding Merrin's killer, allowing her to finally rest in peace, with her tragic story being told.

Honestly, this super brief synopsis does the film no justice. There are so many more details that are important, but if you haven't had a chance to watch this film I really, truly encourage you to do so. It put things in perspective for me in my personal life, but not without entertaining me with some gore, violence, a handful of sex scenes, and a very angry Daniel Radcliffe looking like Satan.

I know, I know, I'm raving about this one. I don't do it often because I usually go into films very skeptical. This was no exception, but it completely turned me around. It was a beautiful film. I don't have enough good things to say.

Let me know if you guys end up watching, and tell me what you think! How did you like it?!
Until next time!

Empty Bodies: a Review of a New Novel!

Hey guys! I'm really excited about this post for so many reasons. One, you know how much I love books. Two, this is a review of a book by one of the authors in my "Favorite Horror Books" post!

I had the privilege of becoming friends with an author, the ineffable Zach Bohannon, when I won a giveaway on his mailing list because I wanted to check some of his work out. A few weeks later, I had read through his book of 4 short stories and loved them.

Cut to about a month ago. I was lucky enough to receive an email from him that he wanted me to be a beta reader for his newest novel, Empty Bodies. I had never been a beta reader before, but I was excited to be trusted with such an important job. Essentially, I was sent a copy of the book early to read and give notes on. But let me just tell you guys, I never expected it to end up like this.

I finished Empty Bodies in less than 48 hours. That's in the middle of a crazy work week. Like, I was at work on my lunch break with my phone in my hand reading the PDF file. Let me give you the synopsis:

If you like zombies, this is going to be a great novel for you. It's about a group of survivors in the middle of a post-apocalyptic world trying to survive with hoards of "Empties" running around craving flesh and blood. Yummy. All of their stories are told separately, but you slowly but surely find out that they're all connected...
But what really got me hooked on this story: the characters are so memorable. I frequently caught myself reading with my hand over my mouth because so many moments were surprising, and honestly, really grotesque. It's very detailed, and very gory. I crossed my fingers at multiple points because I was scared my favorite characters were going to die. Basically, this story ties you up from the first page and doesn't let you go until the last sentence. It's enthralling.

I was so honored to read this story, and now I highly encourage all of you to do the same. It's really cool knowing that you can support an indie writer, so if you want to grab yourself a copy of Empty Bodies, click here!
If you guys decide to read it, leave me a comment below and let me know what you thought!
Until next time, my ghoulies...I'll be doing an unboxing of my HorrorBlock!

Kraven Manor

I have another horror game to talk about with you guys! In my spare time, I've been trying to get my hands on some good ones (that live up to my expectations, having played Outlast...I told you guys, I'm slightly obsessed, and I don't really know if anything is ever going to compare to the love that I have for this one...) and this one popped up. I said "hey why not!"

My newest conquest (if you couldn't tell from the title and the picture): Kraven Manor.
This one's about a haunted house...that's about all you know, unless you're paying close attention, which I clearly didn't. Normally I'm all about storylines in horror games, this one's story develops way later, but it all starts to come together at the very end. I was kind of disappointed about it in the beginning, but once I got to the end, it satisfied my craving for some kind of answer about what the hell was going on (but it did not satisfy my craving for tiramisu, which is still happening.)

Essentially, the premise of the game is that you're in this house alone with nothing but a flashlight, and you can't fight the entity trying to attack you. That antagonist you have chasing you around is a bronze mannequin. Yeah, Maniac style. See below for explanation.

I didn't love the game, as it didn't have a story at the beginning so you're kind of just wandering, like I said about Among the Sleep, but I definitely enjoyed it. The story is explained throughout the game in notes and books, but it's kind of hard to keep up with because you have the potential to read them all out of order. I understand, though, that this was a teeny indie horror game created by graduate students at a college, so I'll cut 'em some slack. Good job, guys. So with that in mind, the game gets credit to me as: not the best game I've ever played, but definitely terrifying. If you're looking for a game that may potentially make you pee your pants, this is probably a good one.

I also like the fact that as the game goes on you pick up pieces that look a little bit like chess boards, and those all connect on a table in the entryway to Kraven Manor. These boards are actually scaled-down models of the rooms in the house...which you can move around and rebuild as you play to connect different rooms. What that means is every time you move the models around, the rooms in the house move to match it. It was a really cool concept, and towards the end it became crucial to move the rooms into the right spot to finish the game.

On to those mannequins I was telling you about:

I wish that I could link to a youtube video of their awful grunting and creaking that they do when they move up behind you, but you should honestly just play for yourself and listen to it. Ick. You're playing the game with a demon mannequin breathing down your neck. Their noises are horrific. They're Maniac-style creepy mannequins. (If you've never seen Maniac, you should probably do that.) Oh, and let me also mention that they can only move when you turn your back to them (think Dr. Who's weeping angels), which makes them even worse. They also kind of teleport really, really close to you...it's awful.

All in all, I'm happy with this game, though. I should have put a camera on myself during playtime because I was screaming and jumping all over the place. There were curse words said. There was eye-covering. Therefore, it's good in my book.

Let me know if you guys decide to play this one, I'd love to know what you think!

Also, I might have a giveaway coming up in the near future, let me know how you guys feel about that. 

American Horror Story: Freakshow

Man, there are so many things I can say about this season of American Horror Story. Let me start by saying this: Murder House is absolutely still my favorite season. But where does Freakshow fall? Let's have a chat about this.

There were a few reasons that this season of AHS was awesome.

Reason 1: The characters.

This guy. Twisty the Clown. He had the ability to terrify people, then make them cry with intense amounts of sympathy in the matter of one episode. His back-story was amazing. His mannerisms were totally awesome. His reasoning behind what he did, fabulous.

I loved him so much that I actually decided to dress up as him for Halloween.

I had way too much fun with this.

Dandy Mott; have you ever met someone so horrifyingly perfect on the outside, but disgustingly twisted on the inside? If you have, I applaud you for surviving, and I also want to give you a hug while you weep into my shoulder. What a messed up person. Watching his character develop and become more and more maniacal and awful was probably the most entertaining part of the show. 

Many of the other characters, ie. Elsa Mars, Jimmy Darling, and Desiree Dupree were definitely note-worthy. The performances of their respective actors were incredible. Elsa was developed beautifully. Strongman (Dell Toledo) was one of my favorite characters, and so fun to watch. He was a mess. It was great.

But there were plenty of things in the show that needed improvement.

Reason 2: The circus concept.

It sounded like it was going to be such an incredible idea. I mean, after a haunted house, an asylum, and a bunch of witches, what's the next scariest thing you can think of? (Take Coven out of there because it definitely was not scary by any means) I think of clowns and a circus. Now, I'm not afraid of clowns. Pennywise is my man. Art the Clown is a big favorite. Twisty made the list of my top 3 favorite clowns of all time (hell, I even had a doll, Christmas ornament and figure made of him to put in my collection) but the way this was done was pretty cool.

Based loosely on the 1932 film Freaks, you saw Pinheads, two-headed twins, "Lobster Boy", and more. The correlation was great. The original film is classic, so if you have never seen it, I suggest that you do. The full thing is on Youtube. It's pretty creepy.

But there were a few things that ruined it for me:

The season dragged. I only really enjoyed 4 or 5 episodes, most of which involved Twisty. For those of you that watched this season, you know why I say it like that. If you're planning on watching Freakshow, either stop reading, or expect subtle spoilers. I'll try to be good. I truly believe that the downfall of the season were those awful musical numbers. Jessica Lange is incredible, by all means, I bow down to her, but I think that the awkward songs (that were strangely out of the time period) threw off entire episodes. They were just...bleh.

What really ruined it for me was the season finale. While most of the season was just mediocre, saved only by really screwed up characters, the finale was so half-assed. I'm sorry, I don't know how else to say it. It seems like the writers didn't know how to wrap it up, so they just killed everyone, and left the rest to what we all already knew would happen.

Murder House left me guessing the whole time.

I haven't seen Asylum so I can't judge it, but I hear it's pretty great.

Coven didn't really fit into the series so much, but it was entertaining and the characters were wonderful.

This one...honestly? Honestly.

I don't mean to be totally down on it, but I don't really have much good to say. I mean, they put NPH in and got rid of him without wrapping up his character. All the other ones got an awful sendoff. 

I feel like this post isn't even completely cohesive. I'm just so disappointed that it's all of my thoughts smooshed into a post. 

Let me know what you thought about this, guys. I'm so sad, I expected it to be awesome because it started off strong, but I learned about 3 episodes in that I was going to be disappointed. -sigh-

...I still love Twisty though.

Among the Sleep

Every once in a  while I like to switch it up and play through a horror game or two. I've played Outlast, which was absolutely beautiful and terrifying and awesome. Actually, to be more accurate: I was so scared playing Outlast that I made my boyfriend play through most of it for me, and I was giving directions as I saw fit. I mean, hello, Dr. Trager.
I just finished Among the Sleep today, and I have to say, I'm not impressed. You play the game as a toddler trying to find his mom in what appears to be a "haunted house" after something knocks his crib over in the middle of the night. Sounds like it could be good, right?
Some of the details are sweet, like the fact that because you're playing as a toddler, you can't read signs or anything. Everything looks like scribbles and squiggles, which is a nice touch. It makes it more accurate.

You also are told little bits and pieces of the story of what's going on in the child's life by drawings that he's drawn around the house. They're thrown around and they seem like they aren't really a part of anything related to the game, until you're about halfway through and you can say to yourself "oh hey, I just realized that's completely relevant."
Also, the only villain in the game is pretty creepy. They don't show themselves until three quarters of the way through, but once you see it, you don't want to be near it.

Now, I'm no video game expert, and coming from me, I feel like a not-so-good review takes a lot. But I felt like it took 3/4ths of the game for it to even begin to get remotely exciting. There's no threat, you're literally crawling around for most of the game with a bear who's pretty annoying. It's all very monotonous. You crawl around your "house" about 9 million times with no endangerment, so essentially, you're not doing anything. It requires zero skill (which for someone like me, is a good thing, because I button-mash until I figure out what everything does), but this one, you don't even run or anything. I had to hide twice.

I know, this is a really short post, but I figured I would let you guys know not to spend your money on this one. If you do decide not to take my advice and you play through it, let me know what you think!
But if you decide to skip this one...instead, spend it on the new Pinhead Funko POP that's being released some time this year...but don't endanger my chances of getting one ;)