Top 5 Horror Movies to Get You in the Christmas Spirit

If you're anything like me, ghosts and ghouls, the months of September through December are some of the most exciting for us horror fans.
September rolls in with the anticipation of Halloween (and the smell of freshly sharpened pencils and crunchy leaves...no? That's just me that gets excited about pencils?).
October comes and IT'S THE MONTH WE LIVE FOR. SKULLS AND GHOSTS AND SPOOKY THINGS EVERYWHERE. PURE HAPPINESS. You also feel the unrelenting urge to wear a costume 24/7 and pretend to be Sam from Trick 'r Treat.
November arrives and we're kind of depressed, but...food. So much food. Also Thankskilling makes its way back into your head.
And then we receive December. It rolls in like a giant snowball (get it? Because sometimes it snows in December?) and us horror fans are excited because it's the second time this year that we get to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas and we get to eat cookies and be around trees that smell delicious. However, Tim Burton films aside, we also get some pretty cool Christmas-themed horror.
I'm here today to give you a quick list of some horror films you should be watching this holiday season!

5) Jack Frost (1997)

After an accident in which serial killer Jack Frost is genetically melted into the snow on the ground, he returns as a killer snowman.
Yes, it is as cheesy as it sounds, and yes, it's a horror comedy, but it's absolutely worth watching. It's hilarious.

4) Black Christmas (1974)

A sorority house has been receiving threatening phone calls over Christmas break from a killer on the loose. Turns out he may be closer than they think...
Black Christmas is one of the earliest slasher films, which makes it a fun watch. The name probably sounds familiar as the film got a remake in 2006, but I say watch the original first!

3) Gremlins (1984)

At Christmastime, a man goes searching for the perfect gift for his son. He finds a Mogwai in Chinatown, and when his son forgets to follow the three most important rules to keeping it happy and healthy, all hell breaks loose.
If you've never seen Gremlins, we're done. Also, Howie Mandel voices Gizmo, and that makes me love this film even more.

2) Silent Night (2012)

One of the crazier films on the list- a killer Santa is on the loose, conveniently, amidst his small town's annual Santa parade on Christmas Eve. You can only imagine where it goes from there.
Starring Malcom McDowell as Sheriff Cooper. Need I say more?

1) Krampus

Come on, you all knew I was going to say this. If you're in need of plans this holiday season, get your butt to the theater and see this film. It's fun, hilarious, slightly horrifying at times, and it's everything you could possibly want in a holiday film. Family togetherness, and killer cookies.

Alright, there you have it! I hope this list helped you choose what to watch this holiday season- there are just a few weeks left until Christmas so make sure you squeeze these in before it's over!

Do you have a favorite holiday horror film?

Until next time, stay spooky!
Taylor Terrible <3

Re-Animator (1985) Review

I need to preface this review by saying: the fact that none of you have suggested this film to me is actually slightly offensive. I'm actually bitter about the fact that no one has ever said "you should probably watch Re-Animator" to me. I'm so disappointed in you all. -sigh-

Now that my sentiments are out in the open...I went into this film totally blind. I've heard people talk about it, but as some of you know, I'm typically the last to jump on the bandwagon when it comes to "classic" horror films, for some reason. Most of the films that I fall in love with are the ones I'm the last to know about. I don't know why it happens that way, but it does...and I think I'm okay with it.

Anyway, all I knew about this film was that it's based on a story by H.P. Lovecraft (insert swoon here), and that Jeffery Combs is a psychotic medical student that brings dead things back to life. For those of you that have never seen the film, there's the synopsis for you! To be honest, I would typically give a little more, but there are so many things about this film that I don't want to give away by giving you a full play-by-play of how the film goes. You really just need to watch it for yourself.

I'm truly a gore-hound. I am in love with watching people get torn apart. I think it's awesome when someone's head explodes. Re-Animator does not skimp on the pure beauty that is insane amounts of gore.

It also does not skimp on attractive men. Herbert West, will you marry me?

This is also one of the strangest films I think I've ever seen. Once you get past the fact that the film is paying homage to the horror classic Psycho by using the same music, and you get past the fact that it's a cheesy 80's horror, it's really strange, disturbing, and actually pretty gross. There are some scenes that made me cringe big-time (and you'll cringe through the whole film if you don't like needles), and there are copious amounts of laughable weirdness.

While the film is noticeably 80's (it's fun, campy, and the VFX are slightly derpy), the storyline is great and really doesn't leave much to be desired. As far as rewatchability goes for this film, I would watch it again tomorrow! It's AWESOME. So much awesome.

As for a number rating, I give this one an 7/10! I'd watch it again (see above), it fills my requirements for a good horror film (slightly cringeworthy, good story, fun characters and gross deaths), the only change I would make would be some of the actors. At times they were just totally not believable.

Have YOU seen Re-Animator? What did you think?

Can We Stop With the Found-Footage Films Already?!

Alright, this is something that's been on my mind for quite some time now. Typically, when I hear about the release of a new horror film, I get really excited. I usually get pretty elated, actually, because it's always nice to hear about something new within the horror community.

You know, American Horror Story only comes around once a year, and seldom are there horror films that are actually scary these days. Most are remakes. Even more are found footage.
Pardon my French here, but WHAT THE FUCK is going on with all of these found-footage-style films?! Can we cut it out already?!

Let it be known that when I talk about found-footage films, I mean anything handheld. That kind of changes the game for some, because many people see a difference between found-footage and handheld. I guess the best way for me to describe the kind of horror films I'm complaining about is: anything filmed by something like a camcorder, so anything handheld and seen through the POV of a camera. (Just stop it already. STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP.)

Found footage dates back all the way to the 1980's with Cannibal Holocaust which was an absolutely disgusting film and I loved every second of it. However, the progression of these films has gone from gory, interesting and scary (think Blair Witch) to cheesy, overdone, and stupid.

If we're speaking honestly, I think many horror films today are not made to scare horror fans, I think they are typically made to attract an audience that pretends to like horror films. I don't know, maybe it's just me, and maybe people will be angry at me for that statement. Do I believe that horror films deserve the exposure and the money? Yeah, absolutely. With all of the cinematic universes like Marvel and DC taking over, I wish horror got a little bit more love because it tends to be overshadowed.

However, lately, they have been relying entirely on jump scares...and to put it nicely, it's really sad. Where are the Nightmare on Elm Streets? Where are the Hellraisers? Instead, horror fans are put through the atrocities of The Gallows and Paranormal Activity 100000000.

Let's just talk about these awful found-footage films:
As Above So Below is one of the more recent ones I've watched. I don't think I've ever been so bored by a horror film because it's dark, shaky, and all-around not entertaining. There's no substance. Blah.
The Bay. Scary in concept, but the shakiness made me nauseous. I have to say, I kind of enjoyed this one because bacteria terrifies me, but the making was boring.
VHS (the first) was pretty good, but VHS 2: please go away.
Anything Paranormal Activity: I hate you.

But the list goes on. The list is SO LONG, and it seems to be that every film that's been released in the last two years has been something found-footage, and they're all the same story. Does anyone else feel this way? Like they're watching the same horror film every time a new one comes out? No? Alright, well, then I'm a crab.

Maybe I'm just saying bah humbug because I've never really enjoyed found-footage films, yet I keep watching them in an attempt to stay current. Maybe I've never found one that satisfies my taste (besides Grave Encounters, which I love because it sees the humor in those types of films).
I would love to find a found-footage film that makes me want to cry (in the good, horror-loving way, not the bad "I can't take this anymore" way). I want to be scared out of my wits by something that isn't cheesy!

Please, everyone, if you share this sentiment, please let me know. If you love found-footage, please recommend one that is substantial that I may like.
If you want to help me out here, I really enjoy: Hellraiser, anything with creepy dolls, possessions, hospitals. Anything with those topics, or that kind of idea. Just...help me out.

I really just hate this sub-genre. Why does everyone like it so much.

/endrant/

I love y'all,
Taylor Terrible

PS: ugh.

The Gallows (2015) Review

Assuming the best, I purchased my ticket early and made the decision to go see The Gallows with a group of friends on the night of its release.
Sitting in a theater full of too-young-kids that probably snuck in, and guys yelling about how many girls they got laid by that week, I realized the kind of group that this film attracted: "I think I like horror so I came to see this lame movie".
I guess I gave away on my opinion in that last sentence, but we'll get into that.

The Gallows is a story of a group of high schoolers that get trapped inside their school one night while trying to dismantle the set of the school's play, because the lead (a football player) doesn't want to be a part of the play anymore. While they're inside the school, the play's previous lead (who died in a freak accident during the show- he was hanged on stage) comes back to haunt them.

So back to my review of the film: it was awful. It was so bad. If I could take back that hour and 20 minutes of my life, I would gladly do it. I'll explain...
It was an almost-found-footage kind of film. It was all shown through the video camera that one of the characters is carrying around, conveniently documenting everything that goes on. I guess to keep with the theme of having an irresponsible kid holding the camera, the shots are awful, shaky, and nauseating. The camera is CONSTANTLY moving and blurring and cutting in and out, to the point where I actually had to cover my eyes to keep from feeling like I had vertigo. In relation to it being found footage: I am so tired of found footage horror films. It seems like that's all there is lately; it's a cop-out in my opinion because rather than making things truly scary, you minimize what the audience sees by using a video camera. It's lame. It's so, so lame.
Anyway, the acting is fine, I never really felt like the acting was cheesy at any point, however the characters were pretty bad. There was the jock, the theater nerd, the cheerleader, and the football-player-turned-lead-in-school-play. Cliche. Nothing special about a single one of them.

As for the film itself: it was an hour and 20 minutes of awful, unnecessary jump scares and loud noises. I was playing with my melted chocolate bar in the wrapper more than I was watching the film because I was so bored (and nauseous because of the camera). Some jump scares didn't even have anything to do with the "scarier" parts of the film, they were literally just fillers.
The twist at the end was pretty okay- I'll give it that much. I enjoyed how unexpected it was, but even that wasn't done well.

So I guess that was my awful, scathing review of The Gallows. If you want to save yourself some money and time, don't go watch this film. If you have nothing to do and you really want to torture yourself, hey, feel free.

...but really, don't see it.

Until next time, guys! Sorry this review sounded so angry, it was just honestly one of the worst films I've ever seen. :P

Unfriended Review

In honor of Unfriended coming out this weekend (one of the most talked about horror films in a LONG time), I was sent to go see it a little early! I got to see it a week ago today, so I wanted to give you guys a quick (very vague) review of the film. I don't want to give anything away other than my personal opinion, because this is a film that I truly believe all kinds of horror fans will appreciate. It has a message that I feel most films have been lacking.
If you haven't heard of Unfriended, here's a trailer (and let me just tell you, it does the film NO JUSTICE. DO NOT JUDGE THE FILM BY THE TRAILER.):

I know how it sounds, guys.  It sounds like you’re going to be watching someone’s Skype conversation for 2 hours.  Well, you do.  But in the midst of that, so much goes on that is really never touched upon in the trailers.  (To be honest, the trailer makes the film look awful).  But the film has heart, and a message that’s worth watching for anyone and everyone who has ever made fun of someone: the truth will always come back to hurt you. 

I really don’t want to give too much away, because I know how skeptical people are about this film, and I believe everyone should really see it for themselves.  What I can tell you, is that I’m the kind of horror fan that normally can’t stand the films that come out now because they use jump scares over true horror.  Sure, Unfriended has plenty of jump scares.  They’re something I don’t do well with, and I jump every time, and it’s really embarrassing…I guess that’s the point, huh?  But over that, the film has something I didn’t expect: a decent amount of humor.  The film doesn’t hesitate to make fun of itself, and it makes it so much more enjoyable to watch knowing that it wasn’t taken too seriously.  Most of the theater was giggling while watching Blaire type over text or Facebook… something I will give away, is you will definitely be saying “girl, you need lessons in how to send a Facebook message.” It’s awful to watch her try to compose one, and it makes it hilarious.

Is this film gory? Not really.  Is it violent? Absolutely.  Do things happen that you probably wouldn’t expect from a film about Skype and Facebook?  Oh, yes.  There are deaths you probably wouldn’t expect from this kind of film, one of which had me almost cover my eyes, and I don’t really get disturbed by much.  But the deaths are very real; things you probably haven’t seen before.  I would compare them to Final Destination: they’re real in the sense that the deaths come from real things.  It’s hard to explain, but in the same way someone could die in a tanning bed, someone can die straightening their hair…I’ll leave it there so I don’t give too much away.

I really implore you guys to go into this film with an open mind. I also implore you to not read any reviews (besides mine of course...) because I feel like a lot of people won't appreciate the message this film has to offer.

I would LOVE to hear all of your opinions of the film. Shoot me a comment and I'll be super excited to hear from you!