Can We Stop With the Found-Footage Films Already?!

Alright, this is something that's been on my mind for quite some time now. Typically, when I hear about the release of a new horror film, I get really excited. I usually get pretty elated, actually, because it's always nice to hear about something new within the horror community.

You know, American Horror Story only comes around once a year, and seldom are there horror films that are actually scary these days. Most are remakes. Even more are found footage.
Pardon my French here, but WHAT THE FUCK is going on with all of these found-footage-style films?! Can we cut it out already?!

Let it be known that when I talk about found-footage films, I mean anything handheld. That kind of changes the game for some, because many people see a difference between found-footage and handheld. I guess the best way for me to describe the kind of horror films I'm complaining about is: anything filmed by something like a camcorder, so anything handheld and seen through the POV of a camera. (Just stop it already. STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP.)

Found footage dates back all the way to the 1980's with Cannibal Holocaust which was an absolutely disgusting film and I loved every second of it. However, the progression of these films has gone from gory, interesting and scary (think Blair Witch) to cheesy, overdone, and stupid.

If we're speaking honestly, I think many horror films today are not made to scare horror fans, I think they are typically made to attract an audience that pretends to like horror films. I don't know, maybe it's just me, and maybe people will be angry at me for that statement. Do I believe that horror films deserve the exposure and the money? Yeah, absolutely. With all of the cinematic universes like Marvel and DC taking over, I wish horror got a little bit more love because it tends to be overshadowed.

However, lately, they have been relying entirely on jump scares...and to put it nicely, it's really sad. Where are the Nightmare on Elm Streets? Where are the Hellraisers? Instead, horror fans are put through the atrocities of The Gallows and Paranormal Activity 100000000.

Let's just talk about these awful found-footage films:
As Above So Below is one of the more recent ones I've watched. I don't think I've ever been so bored by a horror film because it's dark, shaky, and all-around not entertaining. There's no substance. Blah.
The Bay. Scary in concept, but the shakiness made me nauseous. I have to say, I kind of enjoyed this one because bacteria terrifies me, but the making was boring.
VHS (the first) was pretty good, but VHS 2: please go away.
Anything Paranormal Activity: I hate you.

But the list goes on. The list is SO LONG, and it seems to be that every film that's been released in the last two years has been something found-footage, and they're all the same story. Does anyone else feel this way? Like they're watching the same horror film every time a new one comes out? No? Alright, well, then I'm a crab.

Maybe I'm just saying bah humbug because I've never really enjoyed found-footage films, yet I keep watching them in an attempt to stay current. Maybe I've never found one that satisfies my taste (besides Grave Encounters, which I love because it sees the humor in those types of films).
I would love to find a found-footage film that makes me want to cry (in the good, horror-loving way, not the bad "I can't take this anymore" way). I want to be scared out of my wits by something that isn't cheesy!

Please, everyone, if you share this sentiment, please let me know. If you love found-footage, please recommend one that is substantial that I may like.
If you want to help me out here, I really enjoy: Hellraiser, anything with creepy dolls, possessions, hospitals. Anything with those topics, or that kind of idea. Just...help me out.

I really just hate this sub-genre. Why does everyone like it so much.

/endrant/

I love y'all,
Taylor Terrible

PS: ugh.

The Gallows (2015) Review

Assuming the best, I purchased my ticket early and made the decision to go see The Gallows with a group of friends on the night of its release.
Sitting in a theater full of too-young-kids that probably snuck in, and guys yelling about how many girls they got laid by that week, I realized the kind of group that this film attracted: "I think I like horror so I came to see this lame movie".
I guess I gave away on my opinion in that last sentence, but we'll get into that.

The Gallows is a story of a group of high schoolers that get trapped inside their school one night while trying to dismantle the set of the school's play, because the lead (a football player) doesn't want to be a part of the play anymore. While they're inside the school, the play's previous lead (who died in a freak accident during the show- he was hanged on stage) comes back to haunt them.

So back to my review of the film: it was awful. It was so bad. If I could take back that hour and 20 minutes of my life, I would gladly do it. I'll explain...
It was an almost-found-footage kind of film. It was all shown through the video camera that one of the characters is carrying around, conveniently documenting everything that goes on. I guess to keep with the theme of having an irresponsible kid holding the camera, the shots are awful, shaky, and nauseating. The camera is CONSTANTLY moving and blurring and cutting in and out, to the point where I actually had to cover my eyes to keep from feeling like I had vertigo. In relation to it being found footage: I am so tired of found footage horror films. It seems like that's all there is lately; it's a cop-out in my opinion because rather than making things truly scary, you minimize what the audience sees by using a video camera. It's lame. It's so, so lame.
Anyway, the acting is fine, I never really felt like the acting was cheesy at any point, however the characters were pretty bad. There was the jock, the theater nerd, the cheerleader, and the football-player-turned-lead-in-school-play. Cliche. Nothing special about a single one of them.

As for the film itself: it was an hour and 20 minutes of awful, unnecessary jump scares and loud noises. I was playing with my melted chocolate bar in the wrapper more than I was watching the film because I was so bored (and nauseous because of the camera). Some jump scares didn't even have anything to do with the "scarier" parts of the film, they were literally just fillers.
The twist at the end was pretty okay- I'll give it that much. I enjoyed how unexpected it was, but even that wasn't done well.

So I guess that was my awful, scathing review of The Gallows. If you want to save yourself some money and time, don't go watch this film. If you have nothing to do and you really want to torture yourself, hey, feel free.

...but really, don't see it.

Until next time, guys! Sorry this review sounded so angry, it was just honestly one of the worst films I've ever seen. :P