Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Grave Encounters (2011) Review

As someone who has been into the paranormal from a young age, I’m always interested in watching horror films that showcase paranormal activity (well). After some experiences that I consider to be potentially paranormal, I wanted to be able to prove or disprove the existence of a life apart from what we have here in the “mortal” realm.While I still have yet to be able to prove or disprove this theory, I’ve spent lots and lots of time brushing up on my share of mediocre ghost hunting, as well as watching all of the shows I can get my hands on that are about paranormal investigation (my guilty pleasure is watching marathons of Ghost Adventures, eating popcorn and giggling at Zak Bagans).So with that being said, when it comes to films about paranormal investigation, I tend to have my reservations. I worry that they won’t do the field the justice it deserves (it’s not easy!) but I try to keep myself current in terms of horror films, so I watch all of the cheesy ones, and I also try to watch all of the good ones.Therefore, today, I’ll be reviewing Grave Encounters. 

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The synopsis of Grave Encounters from IMDB:“For their ghost hunting reality show, a production crew locks themselves inside an abandoned mental hospital that’s supposedly haunted- and it might prove to be all too true.”I wish there was more to it than this, so I’m going to give you the synopsis I think you all deserve:“For their hilariously realistic, slightly cheesy ghost hunting reality show, a production crew full of cocky jerks lock themselves inside an abandoned mental hospital that’s supposedly haunted- and shit gets real.”
Basically, this group of “paranormal investigators” (I put it in quotes because they don’t actually truly believe in the paranormal, as far as they let on in the film) decides to go to one of the most haunted places they can find, assuming it’s a hoax as they’ve found it normally is, and starts to find that maybe they’ve been wrong about the paranormal this whole time.The building moves around within itself, doors disappear, they find ghosts of the people that died in the hospital.
As far as how scary the film is, I never really felt terrified per say, however I did experience a few moments when I was really freaked out. I have to say, one of my biggest fears in the world is hospitals (abandoned or not). There’s something about the smell of functioning hospitals, the way the fluorescent lights make everyone look sick, the sounds of the beeping monitors…it all makes me so uncomfortable. So seeing this group in a sad, dilapidated, abandoned hospital made me feelexceptionally uncomfortable.
There really weren’t many jump scares, which I very much appreciated. Lately I’ve been on a real hate-streak of films that rely on jump scares for the “horror” of the film, and this one was more about the horror of the situation. I like that. That’s a very good thing.
I’ve also been very against found-footage-style films, and this one absolutely is. I don’t really know what it is about this one, to be honest, that makes it seem so much more real than all the others. I think they don’t play so much off of the fact that they’re filming through one entity and they make an effort to change shots every once in a while so you aren’t watching exclusively through one camera. I don’t know, all I can say is that this one looks better than all the others and I didn’t despise it.
But, all in all, if you’re interested in movies about ghosts, found-footage films, films about paranormal investigation…I really like this one! I didn’t expect much going in, and I was pleasantly surprised when it ended and I wasn’t miserable!
Let me know what you thought of Grave Encounters, creepies!
Until next time,
Taylor Terrible
PS: I just found out there’s a sequel! I’m going to have to look into that soon! 

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Can We Stop With the Found-Footage Films Already?!

Alright, this is something that's been on my mind for quite some time now. Typically, when I hear about the release of a new horror film, I get really excited. I usually get pretty elated, actually, because it's always nice to hear about something new within the horror community.

You know, American Horror Story only comes around once a year, and seldom are there horror films that are actually scary these days. Most are remakes. Even more are found footage.
Pardon my French here, but WHAT THE FUCK is going on with all of these found-footage-style films?! Can we cut it out already?!

Let it be known that when I talk about found-footage films, I mean anything handheld. That kind of changes the game for some, because many people see a difference between found-footage and handheld. I guess the best way for me to describe the kind of horror films I'm complaining about is: anything filmed by something like a camcorder, so anything handheld and seen through the POV of a camera. (Just stop it already. STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP.)

Found footage dates back all the way to the 1980's with Cannibal Holocaust which was an absolutely disgusting film and I loved every second of it. However, the progression of these films has gone from gory, interesting and scary (think Blair Witch) to cheesy, overdone, and stupid.

If we're speaking honestly, I think many horror films today are not made to scare horror fans, I think they are typically made to attract an audience that pretends to like horror films. I don't know, maybe it's just me, and maybe people will be angry at me for that statement. Do I believe that horror films deserve the exposure and the money? Yeah, absolutely. With all of the cinematic universes like Marvel and DC taking over, I wish horror got a little bit more love because it tends to be overshadowed.

However, lately, they have been relying entirely on jump scares...and to put it nicely, it's really sad. Where are the Nightmare on Elm Streets? Where are the Hellraisers? Instead, horror fans are put through the atrocities of The Gallows and Paranormal Activity 100000000.

Let's just talk about these awful found-footage films:
As Above So Below is one of the more recent ones I've watched. I don't think I've ever been so bored by a horror film because it's dark, shaky, and all-around not entertaining. There's no substance. Blah.
The Bay. Scary in concept, but the shakiness made me nauseous. I have to say, I kind of enjoyed this one because bacteria terrifies me, but the making was boring.
VHS (the first) was pretty good, but VHS 2: please go away.
Anything Paranormal Activity: I hate you.

But the list goes on. The list is SO LONG, and it seems to be that every film that's been released in the last two years has been something found-footage, and they're all the same story. Does anyone else feel this way? Like they're watching the same horror film every time a new one comes out? No? Alright, well, then I'm a crab.

Maybe I'm just saying bah humbug because I've never really enjoyed found-footage films, yet I keep watching them in an attempt to stay current. Maybe I've never found one that satisfies my taste (besides Grave Encounters, which I love because it sees the humor in those types of films).
I would love to find a found-footage film that makes me want to cry (in the good, horror-loving way, not the bad "I can't take this anymore" way). I want to be scared out of my wits by something that isn't cheesy!

Please, everyone, if you share this sentiment, please let me know. If you love found-footage, please recommend one that is substantial that I may like.
If you want to help me out here, I really enjoy: Hellraiser, anything with creepy dolls, possessions, hospitals. Anything with those topics, or that kind of idea. Just...help me out.

I really just hate this sub-genre. Why does everyone like it so much.

/endrant/

I love y'all,
Taylor Terrible

PS: ugh.

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

The Gallows (2015) Review


Assuming the best, I purchased my ticket early and made the decision to go see The Gallows with a group of friends on the night of its release.
Sitting in a theater full of too-young-kids that probably snuck in, and guys yelling about how many girls they got laid by that week, I realized the kind of group that this film attracted: "I think I like horror so I came to see this lame movie".
I guess I gave away on my opinion in that last sentence, but we'll get into that.

The Gallows is a story of a group of high schoolers that get trapped inside their school one night while trying to dismantle the set of the school's play, because the lead (a football player) doesn't want to be a part of the play anymore. While they're inside the school, the play's previous lead (who died in a freak accident during the show- he was hanged on stage) comes back to haunt them.

So back to my review of the film: it was awful. It was so bad. If I could take back that hour and 20 minutes of my life, I would gladly do it. I'll explain...
It was an almost-found-footage kind of film. It was all shown through the video camera that one of the characters is carrying around, conveniently documenting everything that goes on. I guess to keep with the theme of having an irresponsible kid holding the camera, the shots are awful, shaky, and nauseating. The camera is CONSTANTLY moving and blurring and cutting in and out, to the point where I actually had to cover my eyes to keep from feeling like I had vertigo. In relation to it being found footage: I am so tired of found footage horror films. It seems like that's all there is lately; it's a cop-out in my opinion because rather than making things truly scary, you minimize what the audience sees by using a video camera. It's lame. It's so, so lame.
Anyway, the acting is fine, I never really felt like the acting was cheesy at any point, however the characters were pretty bad. There was the jock, the theater nerd, the cheerleader, and the football-player-turned-lead-in-school-play. Cliche. Nothing special about a single one of them.

As for the film itself: it was an hour and 20 minutes of awful, unnecessary jump scares and loud noises. I was playing with my melted chocolate bar in the wrapper more than I was watching the film because I was so bored (and nauseous because of the camera). Some jump scares didn't even have anything to do with the "scarier" parts of the film, they were literally just fillers.
The twist at the end was pretty okay- I'll give it that much. I enjoyed how unexpected it was, but even that wasn't done well.

So I guess that was my awful, scathing review of The Gallows. If you want to save yourself some money and time, don't go watch this film. If you have nothing to do and you really want to torture yourself, hey, feel free.

...but really, don't see it.

Until next time, guys! Sorry this review sounded so angry, it was just honestly one of the worst films I've ever seen. :P

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

My Own Writing!

Hi ghosts and ghouls!
This is going to be a special kind of post, because I'll be letting you read some of my own writing. Not a review, not a quick post, this is a full-blown short story that I wrote a few years ago but never had the courage to share.
So now, here it is, my very own short story that I wrote all by myself like a real writing adult!

Hard Candy
Allison swung her feet to the beat of the rock music she had blaring through the speakers of her computer. Her bed vibrated with the bass, and she bobbed her head mindlessly as her legs kicked. The sound of knocking on her window jolted her out of her stupor, causing her to jump out of her skin.
“I told you not to fucking do that, asshole! I could have had a heart attack!” She looked to her window and saw Jack, who was climbing the siding as usual. His warm eyes and sparkling smile stopped her heart on their own, calming the thumping in her chest and helped her breathing return to normal.
“Sorry, babe, I couldn’t get your attention. Your music was too loud.” He yelled over the music, but his voice poured out of his mouth like silk, causing Allison’s heart to skip again. She sighed deeply and slid across her bed to her window. He grabbed her by her hair and kissed her. Smiling into her mouth, he whispered her name.
“Are you finally ready to do this, Jack?” Allison pulled away and smoothed her hair away from her face, blushing fiercely. He shook his head at her and pressed his index finger to his lips, then pointed to her door. Footsteps echoed down the hallway, then stopped outside Allison’s door.
“Hon? Who are you talking to?” Her mother. The bane of her existence. The woman had stifled Allison’s creativity from the time she was a child, constantly giving her candy to keep her quiet. She distinctly remembered the odd taste- it was medicinal and melted in her mouth, then she felt nothing. Allison rolled her eyes and punched Jack in the arm. “I’m talking to you, answer me,” she said from outside the door.
“I’m not, mom, I’m doing homework. I think it’s just my music you’re hearing.” She lifted the remote from her mattress and pressed pause. The room went silent, and Jack giggled. She elbowed him hard in the ribs. He gasped and let the laughs come in waves. “Shut up!” she hissed, holding a hand over her mouth. He stuck his tongue through her fingers, and she pulled them away in disgust.
“I can hear you whispering, I’m going to get the skeleton key to open the door.” Her mother’s footsteps scurried away, and Allison looked to Jack, then to the window, then back to Jack. She motioned with her head. He shook his, smiling. He crawled across the bed towards the window, threw his legs over, and dropped down onto the roof just as the lock popped open. The door swung, and Allison’s mother stood in the doorway.
The woman was disheveled. She was tired-looking, with horrible bags under her eyes. Her once auburn hair was now streaked with white, and her roots had grown in since her last dye-job, leaving her looking old and worn. She was a rag doll standing in the hall, ungroomed, slippers hanging off, her robe old and covered in holes. She brought a hard hand to her wrinkled forehead and sighed.
“Was Jack here again?” She asked abruptly, like she smelled him in the room. She inspected the furniture, checked under the bed, even checked the garbage can next to the desk. “Oh good, no cigarettes this time.”
“Mom, I’m all by myself, I don’t know why you would think Jack was here,” Allison started. Her breath hitched when she realized his jacket was draped over her desk chair. She desperately hoped her mother would think it was hers. After all, it was a leather jacket…very similar to one she already had. She was misunderstood and dressed that way, with fire-engine-red hair that hung in her face, thick liner around glittering green eyes, and combat boots that clicked when she walked. She liked drawing attention to herself, but would never say it out loud.
“Okay,” her mother sighed. “I believe you. Listen, I need to give you your candy, okay? It’s 2 o’clock.”
“I don’t want it,” she argued.
“Well I’m not asking you, I’m telling you.” Her mother reached for the end-table in the hall and produced two pieces of the dreaded “candy” that was so often the source of Allison’s disdain. The two round white candies sat in her mother’s palm. She cupped a glass of water in the other hand. She approached her daughter cautiously, almost sluggishly slow.
Allison shook her head and slapped a hand to her mouth. She slid under the covers and pulled them up over her head, and the struggle began. She tugged one way, her mother tugged the other. Eventually, she felt chilled air hit her cheeks as her mother tugged the blanket free. She removed the hand from her mouth, groaned loudly, and dropped her jaw. She closed her eyes and felt the candies hit her tongue. She knocked them back with a sip of water, then sat. And sat. And waited.
She waited for Jack, but he didn’t come. She waited for the angel and devil that usually took their places on her shoulders to give her the solution, but they didn’t let her know they were listening. She let the tears roll down her face in hot streams, then made the decision to put her head down and go to sleep. Her thoughts were quiet that night.
The next morning, sun streamed in through the window…which was flung wide open. Allison stirred and rubbed her eyes, then shrieked when she felt the pressure of someone pressed against her. A hand flew to her mouth and covered it quickly to quiet her scream. “It’s just me, baby, it’s okay. It’s just me.” Jack’s strong arms wrapped around her, and she felt the soft heat of  his body.
Like clockwork, a knock came to her door. “What are you screaming about? Are you okay?” Her nervous mother banged on the door relentlessly. She heard the shuffling of those awful, tattered slippers against the wood flooring.
“Fine, mom, I just had a nightmare,” she called. Her breathing returned to normal as Jack sat up next to her. She shook her head and stood. Walking to her closet, she swung her hips seductively at her boyfriend. He whistled at her, and she turned quickly to throw her index finger to her lips to motion for him to silence herself. She stopped at her computer and turned on the most awe-inspiring song she could think of…Pussy Liquor by Rob Zombie.
She undressed slowly, pulling her oversized t-shirt over her head. It got caught on her chin and she giggled uncomfortably as she pulled it off quickly. She let it drop to the floor, gyrating her hips as she reached for the elastic band of her pants next. She pulled them taut and let them drop at her feet.
Yeah, I like to get fucked up too.
Yeah, I bet you do.
Her eyes met Jack’s as he raised them from her perky breasts. His jaw was to his knees, but the corners of his mouth were curled up in a ravenous grin. She walked to him, wearing nothing but her silky boy-shorts. She grabbed him by his face and kissed him hard. He pulled her onto the bed.
“Allison! Turn that damn music down!” Her mother banged on the door. “Those lyrics are disgusting!” her heart lurched as she stared down at the bed- Jack was gone. Tears welled up in her eyes as she ran to her clothing pile that sat in a heap of plaid and cotton fabric. She dressed quickly, pulling her shirt over her face so quickly that her hair came loose from its tight bun on the back of her head. It fell around her eyes messily. She glared through the strands- was she seeing red, or was that just the color it was dyed? She yanked her pajama pants back up.
The song switched to Superbeast. Her heart rate accelerated as she reached for her doorknob. She swung it open to see her mother holding the usual glass of water in one hand, and two pieces of the sugary candy in her other palm. Meg started at her nervously. She smiled and tilted her head to the side, like an innocent puppy. “Honey, I brought you your candy, you have to go to school and I know you can’t go without it.”
“I’m not taking that shit ever again!” She wailed and knocked the pills from her mother’s outstretched palm. “You scared Jack away again! I don’t need them now, I don’t need them ever! He’s never coming back anyway!”
“Allison, please, we’ve talked about this. Jack isn’t real. You see him when you don’t take your medi-“ she stopped abruptly. “Your candy.”
“Have you been telling him to be afraid of me? He’s been acting strange, you probably hurt his feelings! Why do you have to be such a bitch, mother?” She snatched the glass from her mother’s other hand, and slammed it on the ground. Water splashed in a wave around their feet, soaking her mother’s slippers and sending shards of glass bouncing around the floor.
“Are you kidding me? Allison, you are grounded!”
“Good! Maybe while you’re not bothering me, he’ll finally fuck me!”
“You watch your mouth, missy, or you’re going to be in a world of trouble.” Her mother backed out of the doorway and into the hall. Her hands were shaking, and she held them out in front of her timid frame. Her expression said I love you, please don’t hurt me, this isn’t you.
Allison reached to the floor and picked one of the larger shards of glass. The red blurring her vision only allowed her to see her mother grab the telephone off the cradle. She was going to try to send her away again. But she was so much better…why did mother want to send her back to her other room? She would never see Jack again. She would only know mediocre meals on a metal tray, ping-pong tables and moaning from down the hall. She wouldn’t let that happen. Not this time. She wanted Jack.
Her mother shrieked as Allison’s feet seemingly floated off the ground. The balls of her daughter’s feet smashed against the shards of broken glass, but she didn’t notice. Her feet bled onto the floor, leaving misshapen footprints. She finally dove at her mother, tackling her to the ground. She heard the muffled voice of someone on the other end of the phone before her mother began sobbing uncontrollably.
“Baby! Baby, please, listen to me, I’m trying to help you. Please, let me get downstairs to get your bottle of medicine, okay? Please, I’m begging you!” Allison reveled in her mother’s discomfort. The guttural laugh that escaped her throat was that of Jack. Dark, eerie and unhuman. Her mother squirmed helplessly under her daughter’s weight.
She rose the shard of glass into the air, and brought it down swiftly into her mother’s exposed neck. She tried to cry out, but all that escaped her was a bubble of blood from her mouth. It seeped out of the corner of her mouth and trickled down onto the floor. Her eyes began to glaze over as she struggled under Allison. Her irises shifted back and forth, trying to seek some last inkling of salvation. She could see her daughter’s maniacal face staring down at her before everything began fading.
“You took Jack from me. You’ll never be able to do it again.” Allison released the glass as her mother’s body went limp. She saw a shadow move from the doorway behind her. She stood up, stared down at the lifeless body beneath her, kicked it, and walked away.
She returned to her room, where Jack was sitting on their bed, applauding. “I told you that you could do it! How long have I been in your head telling you to do this,” he exclaimed. He jumped up and hugged her as tight as he could. “Look at what a great job you did! Just like how I told you!”
“Jack…what did I do…” Allison’s face went pale as she stared at her mother’s lifeless body in the hall. She turned a shade of green and vomited on her floor. She could see the lights flashing outside the window. “It’s over, Jack. I’m never going to see you again.”
She heard the bang of the door being kicked in downstairs. Her hearing was muffled- all she could hear was a loud ringing, and the slight sound of footsteps climbing the stairs. Jack was retreating towards the window, slowly fading as he reached the windowsill before vanishing into thin air. “Jack! Please don’t leave me!” the girl howled. He didn’t answer. 
The men she knew as her fathers stopped in the hall, taking a moment to look down at Allison’s handiwork. One of them let his hand fly to his mouth, the other two stepped cautiously around. One pulled what looked like a lollipop from his back pocket, the other produced a syringe.
“Allison? Honey, are you okay?” One of them spoke to her slowly and quietly. She shook her head gravely. She stared down at the ground, her hair hanging in her face. The tips of her layers were coated in vomit. She shook her head again. She sat down on her floor, crossed her legs, and put her head in her hands.
“It’s okay, we’re here to take you home,” the one with the syringe assured. He stroked her hair as he plunged the needle into her arm. The nurse that had stopped in the hall wheeled the stretcher around the gruesome scene. Allison slowly began fading, losing consciousness. She nodded solemnly as the world started going black.

She awoke in a bright room. A woman with red lipstick, wearing all white, was hovering over her with a sponge coated in what smelled like rubbing alcohol. “You’re quite the mess down here, little lady,” she said. She walked down to Allison’s feet and pressed the sponge to her wounds. The helpless girl tried to writhe, but she was strapped down to the bed. “Don’t worry, we’re going to take good care of you here, just like last time.”



Allison never saw Jack, or anyone else, again.


Thanks for reading, guys. If you stuck it out and got through the whole thing, I don't think you know how much it means to me to have you here, reading my work. You're all amazing, and I love each and every one of you creepy little weirdos more than you'll ever know.
Thank you for being on this journey with me.
Love always,
Taylor Terrible <3